Girl. It’s cool. I figured it was coming after Vlad and the whole you not liking summer very much. We all go through it, girlie, girl. As long as we come out on the other side, you know? (And hopefully the supplies we exchanged helped a wee bit) Also, please believe you were only getting ‘til about Thursday of this week before I was gonna’ debo up into your apartment anyway… (I started to leave comments about my “wife” and our “unapproved separation” on your FB the other day but got distracted…)
I feel you on the ___. I think that’s why I was soo upset last week with the whole NuVa Ring thing… It was like one more thing to remind me of how my reproductive system is f*cked and Mother’s Day was coming up and all my friends that are married/have children, that shit is f*cking depressing! Like being single on Valentine’s Day… not so bad because the chances are that by the next V-Day you’ll probably have someone… but getting married/making babies (with our intravaginal prevention especially on the second)… boo. I for one am glad you didn’t marry He who must not be named (your father would probably have had to have him whacked and let’s face it why should his blood be on Alan’s hands when it’s only a matter of time before someone else f*cks him up… let them have that karma!), but it’s still hard. Heck Other not to be named and I weren’t engaged, but he did enough mouth exercise on the subject. Boo! That’s what pisses me off about these assholes… we are perfectly fine with taking it easy and one day at a time… they’re the ones who get our hopes up! (more booing at my desk)
Neither T or I saw this shit coming, and you know I would not have given him the time of day if you hadn’t vouched for his ass! He’s already driving me crazy in the sweetest way. I did mean what I said the other day (May 1st or so, I believe), that even though I’m with Trace, I want you and I to still remain close, but I’m not going to stalk you when you’re in one of your “funks” either, so I’ve really been waiting for you to come around… Also, I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s Cinco last week, but my mom had called to say that my Grandfather had had a massive heart attack (And the crazy shit is that she had a dream about him a couple of days before) and my 16 year old cousin tried to kill himself (This is a secret from the rest of the family for some reason… I believe he was released from the Psych ward yesterday)… All this occurred within a day or so. That’s why I was so out of it/tired and not wanting to be bothered really.
Honestly all this death recently is making me want to just trim my circle down to a few, make my life exactly what I want (which includes not doing shit if I don’t want), like the Avril Lavigne song… All our lives we’ve been worried about what motherf*ckers think of us, doing the “right and acceptable” thing… blah, blah, blah.
Where has that shit gotten us, huh? F*ck it! I’m reading the chapter about loving in joy in my human relationships book this week and it’s talking about making your own happiness. Instead of looking for that shit, we have to just take each day and say “F*ck it!”… I know it’s easier said than done sometimes, but maybe since we were conditioned to think the other way, we just need to condition ourselves to think this way… Isn’t that what’s really going on with a lot of successful mofos? They have a whole different mindset than the average joe… and we are not average b*tches, so we’ve got to do better. Challenge ourselves!
Our family nucleus(es) we have to deal with and the family we make out of our friends, that’s who keeps us awake and alive… but we’ve got to really connect with our inner goddesses! We need to really plan a bad ass ritual/ceremony for the summer solstice so we can shed the old and bring in the new… and figure out when you want to have this next slumber par-tay!
As far as assholes, we just need to strengthen your radar… I’ve been paying attention to my “red flags” and “deal breakers” with T, ‘cause even though I’m head over heels, I’m not trying to waste anymore of my time with someone who doesn’t deserve it or is just not compatible with me in the long run. If something stinks it’s generally shitty. And you know while you’re in funk mode or not feeling that great is the EXACT time that assholes/shitty dousche-bag-boyfriend’s-in-waiting come around. They’re like f*cking sharks that smell blood in the water, so as your bestie/former life coach, I’d be strongly suspicious of anyone who came around right now anyway.
My co-worker showed up like 30 minutes ago and is harassing me and the other lady here about J.Christophers, so I’m ‘bout to dip. My mom has been asking about you a lot lately… she was actually really sad for you about Vlad and literally asks me if you got another cat yet every time I talk to her, so I can finally say yes and show her a pic the next time I see her. I know she’s in suburbia, but she really wants to have you over for dinner (or maybe we can cook at my house and she’ll come hangout).
I love you like a sister/best friend/wifey, so no worries about how I feel about your happy ass. But you’re right, you are very blessed with a lot of blessings and people that care about you. Keep your head up and I will see you soon.
-- Askia Marie
